Reno

On Wednesday night we ate dinner with some homeless people. I sat next to Gordo, who used to live in Maine and claims friendship with Stephen King. "You know that book called Carrie?" Gordo asked us. "Well, it's based on my wife," he said. I thought to myself, is this really something to brag about?

Gordo went on, "Actually, Stephen based all of his books on my life." Gordo is homeless and walked for three hours to arrive at the building where the meal was being served.

On our first day we fed around 1,800 homeless in downtown Reno. I was reminded that homelessness is much more complicated than I often realize. Travel is fatal to prejudice, as Mark Twain once said, but he said it much more eloquently. Handing out 1,000 slices of cheese for hamburgers afforded me interaction (although brief) with a wide range of homeless and low-income people. By the end of the project I felt the same way I do whenever I travel overseas: we're different, these people and I, but we're not that different. The more time I spent with them, the emphasis on what separates us (money, jobs, education, connections, mostly money) began to fade while the things that we have in common slowly took center stage (the need for love, inner peace, health, security, purpose, and friends).

We also visited a nearby Indian reservation. This was maybe my favorite part of the trip. Honestly, Native Americans are not really on my radar. So, I enjoyed learning about the tribe, its history, and spending the afternoon on some service projects they set up for us. I spent the afternoon cleaning a building that looked like some sort of worn out community center.

I don't want to blog about the flyers, but our team passed out a butt load of flyers all over Reno. Next, please.

Our group was composed of college students from the Portland Metro area (three different campuses). While in Reno our students worked with some after-school programs for inner city kids and youth. I loved that the students all worked together to plan and facilitate everything on their own. I'm so proud (*tear*). They did an amazing job!

Lake Tahoe was beautiful, but I think my favorite Lake Tahoe moment was watching the strange hula hoop man on the beach while waiting for the students to board the bus. It was a windy, chilly day, and I saw a strange man decked out in orange mc hammer pants, a hula hoop, and several other bizarre gadgets strapped to his back pack. The next time I looked at him, he was almost naked. Kelly said, "Is that a towel he's wearing?" Ha! No, it's not, Kelly. It's strange white, rainbow shorts. in 40 degree weather. Then he did a little ditty on his slack line, got stuck trying to do flips on the jungle gym and then danced with his hula hoop all over the beach. It was borderline Napolean Dynamite quality. So, thanks, Hula Man. I desperately needed that laugh. You're awesome. in a strange sort of way.

Thomas Merton

Just discovered a new author: Thomas Merton. Well, he's new to me. He actually died in 1968. He was a Trappist monk. Thus far, I find his spirituality refreshing and quite compelling. I can't say that I agree with everything I've read but overall he is a profound writer and thinker.

Yesterday the following quote from Merton really resonated with me:

"The true inner self must be drawn up like a jewel from the bottom of the sea, rescued from confusion, from indistinction, from immersion in the common, the nondescript, the trivial, the sordid, the evanescent... Our discovery of God is, in a way, God's discovery of us. We cannot go to heaven to find Him because we have no way of knowing where heaven is or what it is. He comes down from heaven and finds us. He looks at us from the depths of His own infinite actuality, which is everywhere, and His seeing us gives us a new being and a new mind in which we also discover Him. We only know Him in so far as we are known by Him...."

This made me reflect on Psalm 139 in which the psalmist spends more than half the text explaining how thoroughly God knows him. Then at the end, he adds, "Search me and know me, God." That always struck me as odd because in one sense he's saying, "God you know me." Then in the next breath he says, "Now, come and know me!"

I have always interpreted that as a way of asking God to show me what he sees when he sees me. Merton makes me think that God's piercing gaze lays bare my true face and simultaneously invites me to know His true face. Multiple scriptures come to mind and weave a portrait within me that I cannot find words to describe, but it is powerful. "Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God," Jesus said. Purity leads to vision. Interesting that God's vision of me is what leads me to purity.

Anniversary and Tuna Sanitation

Tomorrow marks eight years of marriage for Bruce and I, which makes me reflect on our first date.

Bruce says that when he asked me out, I said yes before he finished the question. I don't remember that. But it's probably true. We went to Mongolian Barbeque. That's a plus because I love ethnic food. Bruce was so nervous he ran a red light. That's a negative because he almost killed us.

This also makes me think of another date two months later. We went to the theater with another couple. Bruce bought a large coke and as we left Bruce dropped his coke all over this woman seated in front of us. She slowly turned around and fired lazer beams from her eyeballs straight at Bruce who was apologizing profusely.

After two years of dating, we were engaged during which I recall the following conversation: Bruce held my hand and said, "Ann, let's never fight about stupid stuff. I don't want to be one of those couples that argues about which shelf in the freezer the frozen meat should be placed on." Ann replied, "I know. I hate people who fight about stupid stuff." Hmm, we both hated fighting. Clearly we were soul mates.

This makes me reflect on our first argument about something stupid after we were married. Ann was making tuna in the kitchen and threw away the tuna can. unrinsed. Bruce looked at the tuna can and said: "Aren't you going to rinse that out?"
Ann: "I'm not rinsing that out."
Bruce: "Ann, if you don't rinse that out, it will stink."
Ann: "News flash, Bruce. Garbage stinks."
After a few other choice words Bruce walked away. Ann ate her tuna sandwich. And the garbage definitely smelled foul.

In all seriousness, we have walked down some really dark roads together and somehow we're still together. But I don't want to blog about the dark times. This last year has been our happy year together. It's probably because I now rinse out those tuna cans. That and I learned to appreciate Bruce's mistresses named Frisbee Golf and Technology. He's very good with both and wouldn't be Bruce without them.

Bruce, you're a good man.
I'm proud of you.
I love you.
Happy Anniversary.

Beware the Bandersnatch

We saw Alice in Wonderland last night with some friends. Good times. I enjoyed the movie. Apart from occasional moments of cheesiness, it was good. Johnny Depp's rendition of the Jabberwocky poem was pretty great too. However, I think I enjoyed the movie much more having just read the book. Bruce said he liked it but he's content to never see it again....followed by "maybe if I see it again it will grow on me." But Bruce also told me yesterday that he thinks I'm too absent-minded and disconnected from reality....followed by "I love you deeply." Thanks, Bruce. Happy anniversary to you too. My disconnect with reality might explain why I liked the movie and he didn't. My absent-mindedness, however, that I can't explain. I would say that I choose to focus my mental energies on things other than the obvious. This would explain why I often ask stupid questions including, "could you repeat the question, please?" But that probably makes me sound much...muchier than I actually am. We also saw it in 2D. 3D is for the rich. We are poor.

Last night after the movie I dreamed that I birthed twins and they looked just like minature Tweedledee and Tweedledum (which are already pretty minature as it is). Then I looked at the nurse in the hospital and said, "I change my mind. I don't want babies after all," which was then followed by "everyone come and look at my beautiful fat minature babies." Thanks again, Alice. Why couldn't I dream about the Hatter instead? He was much more fun. He was much more....muchier. Definitely hasn't lost his muchness.

Beware the Jabberwock

The wait is over. Tonight we're going to see Alice in Wonderland. I generally read myself to sleep almost every night. And I usually keep a mindless book handy for just such things. It really helps turn the brain off at the end of the day. Otherwise I end up dreaming about theology, work, and countless other things. So for the last few weeks Alice in Wonderland has been great nonsense reading.

This would also probably explain that dream I had recently about the safari in Alabama where I saw a dinosaur sitting next to an obese baby chick. They were so big that the pine trees next to them looked like toothpicks. When I approached them, they both smiled at me. I screamed and ran away. And I remember waking up terrified. haha. Thanks, Alice.

Coffee, Cockroaches, and Gratitude

what I wrote in my journal on our last day in India a few months ago....

January 8, 2009
It about 6pm and we're still on the train headed to Delhi. I've been looking through photos from our trip and listening to some music. I just bought a 4oz. cup of coffee (the only size offered) which tastes more like a yummy steamer, and there are cockraoches galore even up here on the third level cramped bed where I'm laying.


I won't mention the mouse I saw scurry underneath the bed on the lower right (see above photo). The leg on the right belongs to an Indian gentleman who felt compelled to serenade the train with "When a Man Loves a Woman" followed by "Give Me One Reason to Stay Here."

I am so deeply grateful to have been a part of this work in India. My heart feels full and throbbing with joy (and that's coming from someone who spent years struggling with depression). As I look at all these photos of us serving women in the villages I think about Jesus washing his disciples' feet, healing and teaching people, touching the untouchable, extending hope in the darkness. "Die to self and you will live," he says.

At several points during this trip and even when I felt thoroughly exhausted, famished, and sore all over, I'd look out the car window and stare at all the sights, the people and their poverty, and I could feel God's Spirit moving in me, awakening me in places I didn't even know were dormant and dry. Burning. Yearning. Groaning. He was like a fire whispering, "Follow me and you will know what it means to live."

I think Jesus was right on. Life belongs to those willing to forfeit life.

This is nothing new. One does not have to go to India to discover this. But I am grateful to have been reminded of a timeless truth in an often anxious and demanding world. And I'm grateful to know a God who challenges me in every way and beckons me still to know his heart above all else.

pian-awe-ssimo

"Pianawessimo" - (pronouced pian-awe-si-mo) to exude awesomeness by means of the piano (not to be confused with pianissimo); known to produce child-like giddyness and perpetual smiling

Step 1: obtain sheet music
Step 2: practice, practice, practice
Step 3: pray, pray, pray
Step 4: don't forget to bounce periodically

India, I still think about you everyday.